I used to think there was something wrong with me. 

I would pray.
I would worship. 
And I would study the Bible. 

(I even finished reading the whole Bible last year.) 

But it felt like I wasn’t growing. 

And I still struggled to trust God with my life. 

The problem, however, had nothing to do with my efforts and everything to do with my influences. 

You see, there are people out there who love rules more than Jesus. 

So, the Type A in me was checking off the boxes. 

(According to many churches, this is fastest way to God’s heart.) 

But what I’m learning is that love – the overwhelming, redeeming kind that God offers – doesn’t exist within those constraints. 

No, love only blooms in relationship. 

Just you and God. 

So, instead of beating myself up for not waking up at 5 a.m. to have my Insta-perfect coffee and Bible study. 

I use the first minutes I’m awake to breathe in God’s love, meditate on His truth, and pray over my day. 

So, instead of driving my family into the ground for weekly community group meetings. 

I talk to my children throughout the day about how we can become like Jesus. 

And, now, instead of feeling guilt and shame for not just filling my head with Bible verses and Christian influencers. 

I feel God in my heart no matter who I meet, and no matter where I go. 

If you, too, have experienced a season of questioning, I want to encourage you with these words: 

The God you seek is already within you. 

And when the world (or even church) demands you follow rules and procedures. 

Choose Jesus. 

This is how we heal with hope. 
This is how we grow with grace. 

This is how we love the one life we’ve been given. 

And walk with Him every step of the way. 

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