I lost my Dad one year ago today.

And, if I’m honest, I’m sadder today than I was then.

Because, on that day, I was surrounded by our family and my father’s friends.

But, after a restrictive graveside service, I had to drive back to my life 12 hours away.

Into the early days of lockdowns, social distancing, and closures.

And the grief just hasn’t resolved.

But what I’m learning about death and loss during a pandemic is this:

You can survive, even the loneliest days.

Some days, you’ll cry more than you laugh.

People may or may not see the tears.

Some days, you’ll be more angry than you knew you could be.

People may or may not see the emotional battles. 

If you, too, have lost someone during the pandemic, here are three things that have helped me heal in the mourning:

1. Counseling. I have a session every week, and I was blessed to start a couple of months before my father passed. Because the truth is, unless you are blessed enough to know someone who has experienced a similar parent loss, they just won’t get it…no matter how much they love you. But therapy is a guaranteed gentle ear who will guide you to healing.

2. Spending time with children. I’m a mother and a teacher, so this has been an organic part of my days. Kids will distract you. Kids won’t judge you for tears. And kids will show you how slow can make you whole again. Mostly, the children in my life encourage me not to overthink, and I have been able to share my father’s simple wisdom with them, as he did with me all those years ago.

3. Lowering my expectations. And this is not to be rude or ungrateful, but unless someone has lost a parent or someone they love deeply during the pandemic, they will not understand what you are carrying. The emotions. The confusion. The bitterness. The longing. So, don’t bare your soul in those spaces. Trust that life will give you the few you need. Maybe they are there to listen from experience. Or, in my case at one point, they may be there to learn before they endure a similar loss.

The journey of grief lasts a lifetime not because you are weak.

But because you loved that deeply.

Loss during a pandemic can be a lonely space, even as life slowly begins to open up.

But healing is possible.

When we can feel it all in the safe spaces.

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